I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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