This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
