Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
