I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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