Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
