Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
