my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
