So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
