Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
