its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
