I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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