Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
