he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
