I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
