If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
