After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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