4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
