Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
