The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
