I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
