apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
