The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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