I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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