She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
