It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
