we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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