My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
