were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
