If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
