I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
