im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
