In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
