Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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