Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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