sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
