Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Im part way to drunk.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
