I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
