Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
