He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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