it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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