Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
