I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
