so explain again why im purple
no
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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