we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
