omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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