Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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