Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
