Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
