help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
