I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
