i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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