Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
