You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
