I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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