Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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