i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
