Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
