3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize