It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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