why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
