remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
