I can text with my tongue
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
