Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
