Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
