Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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