"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Who died my cat blue again?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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