sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
