I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
