I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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