Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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