just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
