I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
