is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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