Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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