Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
