Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize