I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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