Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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