so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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