So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just invented taco cereal.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
