Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You're completely useless in the revolution.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
