woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize