Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
