He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
All I want is dick and wine.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
