he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
