I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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