Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize