we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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