just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You have to summon your inner elephant
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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