Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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