Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
