You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
