Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
