I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
