I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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