Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i think i have herpe
just one?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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