so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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